Happy ‘Dress Like a Whore Day’!*

During a recent highlighting, my stylist told me about the Halloween party she attended last year. A college-aged girl arrived wearing nothing but white panties, a little white tank and high heels. When asked what exactly she was, she replied the name on the package was “Sexy Southern Belle.” Her friends promptly inquired as to the whereabouts of the Southern belle portion of the costume. Her response? “My panties have ruffles on the butt!” Well, duh.

I’m hardly a Halloween prude, but these costumes are getting out of control. Let's clarify the difference between sexy and slutty: Sexy creates a fun, flirty costume; slutty creates a photo op that will shame your mother and will one day haunt you when your children find that old scrapbook in the attic.

I can’t exactly claim the high road here; my Halloween resume hardly reads as a feminist manifesta. I’ve been a vampire, cowgirl, French maid, walk-of-shame girl, butterfly. All involved some baring of the skin that didn’t quite contribute to the accuracy of the character portrayal. My defense is similar to all the other “good girls” who use Halloween as an excuse to get all sexied up – it’s all in fun, just about escaping ones own character for a night of playing a new one. Because really, my usual get-up as a sleepy web-developer-by-day, English-student-by-night isn’t all that hot, unless you’ve got a thing for dark under-eye circles. Hubba hubba.

However, even my vinyl-clad vampire costume looks school marmish compared to what’s strutting around elsewhere. The last few Halloween parties I’ve attended have included costumes so revealing they had no place outside of the bedroom or brothel. One should never have to avert eyes from nipple sightings when reaching for the chips. Here are a few such costumes featured online, offensive in two ways: one, the obvious; two, for being packaged costumes-in-a-bag involving no creativity whatsoever:

And thus the “sexy costume” has officially gone too far. A sexy pizza delivery woman? Since when is food delivery the latest in fantasy fodder? And really, should that much skin be exposed with all that hot cheese around?

Here's the "Sexy Deviant Housewife" costume, complete with cooking tools and prescription bottles. If anyone attends a party with someone dressed in this, please promptly flick her in the forehead and throw a copy of Steinem at her.

I think the headline of this "Cherry Pie" costume was the best part. “Want to be food, but sexy?” And to think that someone out there is nodding Yes.

And to bring it home… Is your daughter too small for a adult sexy costumes, but wants to be a whore just like mom? The copy says it all: “Let this cutie nurse take care of you when you arent feeling well. What a day brightener she would be! This nurse costume is for the little girl that is still a little girl.” Um, if my “little girl” ever wore something like that and struck such a pose, she'd play dress-up at a real-live convent for the rest of her life.

* headline courtesy of/ripped off from Carlos Mencia