Why I Don't Miss DC

Allow me to preface this list by saying that there are many things I do miss about DC: Saturday mornings in the National Gallery, sitting on the Lincoln stairs at night (best view of the city, hands down), nights in Clarendon with friends, Adams Morgan mega-pizza after dancing, and my beloved Shirlington Guapo’s. I must admit, however, that I’m a much happier gal now that I’ve left Our Nation’s Capital and headed Down South. A few of the reasons why DC drove me crazy:

10. Before you know a person’s name, you know what they do.

9. The inexplicable 3am traffic jams. If I’m going to sit in traffic in the middle of the night (when, of course, I probably have to pee), there better be a damn good reason why. You could spend an hour conjuring up images of the scene ahead causing such delays, of a busload of nuns on fire, of a truckload of livestock overturned... but no, some dude in Lorton is changing his tire on the shoulder, causing all to slow down to look.

8. How competitive people get over who has the longest commute and most overpriced neighborhood. “So you travel two hours each morning to work at 4am from your half-million dollar outhouse in Orange County? Well, you win… I guess…”

7. Tourists standing on the left side of the escalator. Walk left, stand right, people. Some of us need to get to work, and the Air and Space Museum will still be there in ten minutes for you to get your astronaut ice cream.

6. Number one conversation topic? Work. Most common type of work? Government consulting. Yeeeeah.

5. Hill staffers barely pulling in 30k who live with six roommates in order to fund their Kate Spade and Coach habits.

4. “Tough guy” tourists who feel the need to do chin ups on the Metro bars. You can pull your body up five inches from the ground; we’re all impressed, buddy. Use deodorant on a regular basis, lose the fanny pack, and we’ll be even more wow-ed.

3. People using words like “synergy” and “result-driven” with a straight face.

2. “You know, it’s not the heat that gets you, it’s the humidity.” Seriously? I’ve never heard anyone say that before. What insight!

1. Acronyms.