But that’s just me.

CNN and I don’t have a great relationship. There were the good early years while I was a young coed, when John King dreamily gave me the latest on the Lewinsky scandal (presidential scandals were so adorable then). But then I noticed that CNN was “that” kind of relationship – the one that makes a huge deal of nothing for hours at a time, while still ignoring red flags popping up faster than a Whack-a-Mole. CNN and I broke up a while back, after I became older and wiser, turning from the young flashy cable news networks to the trustier NY Times, Wash Post and BBC. They're still pretty in the morning without their make-up.

Today, in the midst of international chaos, I checked in to see what CNN chose to run on its front page. Amid some timid reporting in the Middle East, was this:

Publicist: Hasselhoff was sick, not drunk

Ohhh, CNN. You never fail to disappoint. Some stories that I might have chosen to run on the front page, that CNN buries under the Hoff, or doesn’t report at all:

N. Korea-Iran Ties Seem to Be Growing Stronger
SEOUL — North Korea and Iran, two fiercely anti-American regimes, appear to be bolstering their military and diplomatic cooperation, including the possible sale of missiles to the Tehran government, intelligence sources said.

U.S. Says It Knew of Pakistani Reactor Plan
The Bush administration acknowledged yesterday that it had long known about Pakistan's plans to build a large plutonium-production reactor, but it said the White House was working to dissuade Pakistan from using the plant to expand its nuclear arsenal. The reactor, which reportedly will be capable of producing enough plutonium for as many as 50 bombs each year, was brought to light on Sunday

(And coincidentally...)

House, 359-68, Approves U.S.-India Nuclear Deal
The House voted overwhelmingly yesterday to allow U.S. shipments of civilian nuclear fuel and technology to India, handing President Bush a victory on one of his top foreign policy initiatives. Rep. Tom Lantos said the proposal, which reverses decades of U.S. anti-proliferation policy, is "a tidal shift in relations between India and the United States."

(And how do we treat one of our few international allies? Oh well, at least we still have Israel. --smacks forehead-- )

US rejects weapon flight concerns
The White House has dismissed UK concerns about the use of Prestwick Airport, in Scotland, by US planes carrying bombs to Israel. … UK Foreign Secretary Margaret Beckett protested to US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, claiming procedures were ignored. Mrs Beckett said: "We have already let the United States know that this is an issue that appears to be seriously at fault, and we will be making a formal protest if it appears that that is what has happened."

Where the hell is my spirit of adventure?

If I watch this thing one more time, I'm selling it all for plane tickets and comfy shoes...

The Cutsy Book

It takes something pretty spectacular to make chick lit seem intelligent, but something has -- the Cutsy Book. You know these books, often found under the "Great for Gifts!" sign in Borders, the oh-so-adorable hardbacks hoisted before us during each quasi-holiday, full of nothing but stock photography and cliche-ridden "wisdom"? I hate them. HATE them. Rather, I hate how many people not only buy these books, but go on to tout them as "good" or "touching." They're not good, they're not touching; they're tripe. These books are an affront to anyone who actually aspires to publish something saying anything at all.

I could spend the rest of my days writing from the depths of my soul, as many writers do, and be ignored from big and small publishers alike, as many writers are, not seeing a dollar for the effort. However, I could spend five minutes putting together one of these Cutsy Books, and ta-da! I'm published! It's sheer formula. I shall create such a book right now, before your very eyes. First, I'll select a holiday to ensure my crap will be sold year after year. Minor holidays are best, offering minimal competition; I could corner the market on sentimental Flag Day reading, which might spill over onto Memorial Day, 4th of July, and Veteran's Day (dammit, I'm brilliant). Then I'd do a stock photography search for images of flags -- flags in soft focus, flags before a brilliant sun, flags held by children, flags held by baby monkeys (that'll be the picture to really bring it home). Alongside these pictures would be words meaning absolutely nothing, like... "A flag. My flag. A country. My country." "Wake up to each new sun with love for your country." Mix up the fonts a little (the monkey would not lend itself to a serif, obviously), and voila! A book has been created without a single thought put into it. People in Books-A-Millions all over the country would call to their shopping companions, "Hey, Martha! Look! It's a baby monkey holding a flag! Do you know who would love this?" and proceed to give it to friends in lieu of putting actual thought into their gifts.

Has anyone actually benefitted from one of these books? Has anyone gone through life miserably, until that one glorious moment when one of these books just changed everything? Does anyone else notice that the people who buy these books tend to be the least happy people? The only way I'd make one of these books is if all the pictures were of lemmings. Sad, sad lemmings.

It's lowest common demonitor marketing. The second you say something, you lose someone. If you say nothing at all, the people are enchanted. (See also: Politics: American, 20th Century)